(UN)Forgivable
by Writer's Arcanum
Summary: My only wish was to be forgiven. But not by any god, or anything of that nature; I just wanted to be forgiven by the one who matters most to me. And yet, despite my yearning for forgiveness, I knew I didn't deserve it. Not after what I did. Or rather, what I didn't – no, couldn't – do. I decided to work hard to clear the game for her sake. Maybe then, she'll forgive me. (KiriSachi)
1. Till the Day I Die, I will Hope

(UN)Forgivable

Chapter One: Till the Day I Die, I will Hope

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><p><strong>I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything! Well, I'm back with another story now, so it's all good!<strong>

**I've had this idea for about a week or so, but I only just got around to finishing the first chapter. There are more to come, I assure you!**

**While we're on the subject of chapters, I would like to apologize to those of you who read and recognized my first story (Mirage Blade, for those of you who don't know me) as cringe-worthy. The first two chapters were absolutely horrible, and I'm sorry about that. I promise, however, that I have grown as a writer since then.**

**Now then, let's get on with the story! See you at the bottom, everyone!**

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><p>Forgiveness.<p>

Such a pretty little word. To be absolved of the wrongs you have done to someone. My only wish was to be forgiven. But not by any god, or anything of that nature; I just wanted to be forgiven by the one who matters most to me.

And yet, despite my yearning for forgiveness, I knew I didn't deserve it. Not after what I did. Or rather, what I didn't – no, couldn't – do.

After my mistake, she had every right to hate me. But, the thing is, she didn't— or, at the very least, she didn't act like it. It tore me up on the inside, not knowing how she really felt, but at the same time… I was just too afraid to ask her. She was all I had, and vice versa. I didn't want to ruin that.

And so, I decided to work hard to clear the game, for her sake. Maybe then, after I get her home, she can finally find it in her heart to forgive me.

It's been more than twenty floors now, but I still remember the day my entire life came crashing down… along with hers.

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><p>The bluish-green walls of the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth glowed brightly even without any torches, quite unlike the labyrinths of all the other floors before it. I could see my reflection in them, as well as the reflection of my guild mates.<p>

_That's right… I'm in a guild…_

Even now, after all these months, it's still hard to believe that I joined a guild. I had been a solo player for more than twenty floors, only partying up occasionally to do a particularly hard quest or two. Never anything long-term. Yet here I was, walking through the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth with four guild mates.

The twenty-seventh floor had been cleared some time ago, but my guild was still relatively low-leveled… well, compared to a clearer like me, that is. Points is, I was very nervous about being there with them. While I could easily have soloed the whole thing, the fact that my guild mates were much, much weaker than I… well, it led to some pretty unsettling and gruesome thoughts.

_What if we come across some kind of trap?_ I thought nervously as I watched my blond guild mate, Ducker, chat animatedly with the rest of the guild. _I don't think I could protect all of them, especially if we come across a trap that spawns a whole bunch of mobs. One mini-boss would be easy enough, since all I would have to do is keep it away from them while I killed it… but if there are more than twenty…_

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone using the «Lock-Picking» skill. I snapped my head up immediately, knowing that only one of us had such a skill, and he was the most naïve out of all of us.

Ducker.

Just as I feared, the beanie-clad blonde had found a secret door, and had already opened it. We all peered inside, finding a lone treasure chest in the center of the room. Every fiber of my virtual being screamed at me to tell them not to go in, but my voice wouldn't work.

They all ran in, save for me and one other: Sachi, the sole girl in our guild. She followed soon after, though not at the excited pace that everyone else had. That was when my voice finally started working again.

"No! Wait!" I shouted, inwardly begging, pleading that Ducker, who was the closest to the chest, would heed my warning.

He didn't.

As soon as he opened the chest, the blue-green walls turned red, and an alarm rang through the room.

_No!_

I knew my time was limited. I couldn't let everyone die, and I knew that the doors were going to close in a matter of seconds. It was quite obvious to me now that this would be a «Crystal Nullification Area», which meant that we couldn't teleport out.

Looking around for the closest person to me, I felt that I had to save at least one of them. And so, I grabbed Sachi, then used my incredible STR stat to quite literally throw her through the door just before it closed.

"What are you doing?!"

Were the last words I heard from her before the door shut completely.

With the least capable fighter out of the picture, I could only hope that the mobs were weak enough for the rest of us to handle. But of course, fate was never so kind to me.

The walls opened up, revealing hordes of goblins clad in red, wielding pickaxes and sporting beards and large, dome-shaped hats. They all walked into the room, mixing in with the countless giant, mannequin-like golems that had started spawning.

"Guys, we're gonna have to fight our way out!" I shouted, looking around for my guild mates. "Come close to me and stick together!"

But, as always, fate seemed to hate me that day. Before I could reach him, Tetsuo, our only other forward, got struck hard by the hand of one of the mannequin-like golems. In an instant, the sound of shattering glass rang throughout the room.

He was dead.

_No!_

I looked around, finding that both Ducker and Sasamaru were coming towards me. With a few strikes from my sword, I cleared a path for them to reach me. Ducker reached me in the nick of time, narrowly avoiding a strike from one of the goblins' pickaxes. Sasamaru, however, was not so lucky.

Just before the curly-haired boy reached me, he was struck by the hand of one of the mannequin-like golems. You can imagine what happened next.

_Damn it!_

"Raaah!" I screamed, slashing at the golem that destroyed Sasamaru and avenging him in one hit. What little good it did was soon overwhelmed by what happened next.

"Kirito!" Ducker screamed at the top of his lungs from behind me. I turned around, watching in horror as a large group of the red-clad goblins attacked him with their pickaxes. "Help me— Aaah!"

And just like that, the last member of my guild in the room was dead.

I felt my control over my emotions slipping. Soon enough, when I felt the strike of a golem hitting my back, then saw my HP go down slightly, I snapped.

"HAAAAAAH!"

And so the war began.

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><p>When the door to the trap room opened and Sachi came rushing in, her emerald eyes wide with horror, I finally snapped out of my rage. I fell to the ground, tears coming to my eyes as the gravity of what just happened finally hit me.<p>

"Where… where is everyone else?" my midnight-haired friend queried, though I could tell she already had an inkling of what happened.

"They're… gone, Sachi," I whispered, voice hoarse as I tried desperately to fight back tears. I looked up at her eyes, realizing that she still didn't fully comprehend it. "The trap… I'm the only survivor."

"No… this can't be…" she whispered, falling to her knees as tears pricked at her eyes.

Despite knowing that it was my fault, I still felt the need to comfort Sachi in her time of grief. She was probably suffering more than I was; after all, she knew all of them in real life.

I got up and walked over to her slowly, tentatively reaching out my hand to her. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, voice shaky as tears finally began to stream down my face. "It-it's my fault… it's all my fault…"

Before I could retract my hand, she turned to face me, almost immediately lunging forward and embracing me like her life depended on it. She sobbed and sobbed, her tears soaking my black coat. She said nothing, no words of comfort, no curses towards me; all she could do was keep sobbing into my chest.

Deep down, I was the same as she; I wanted to break down right then and there, sobbing like a little kid. But I knew I had to stay strong. If not for my sake, then for hers.

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><p>We met up with our guild leader at the inn back in «Taft» later that day. That was the moment when everything went from bad to utter hell.<p>

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><p>"What the hell happened? Where is everyone else?"<p>

As soon as these words left the lips of my guild leader, Keita, I grit my teeth as the midnight-haired girl next to me burst into tears again. The memories of what happened not five hours prior came rushing back to me, sending waves of despair throughout my mind.

I tried my best to keep some semblance of composure, knowing that I still had to stay strong for just a bit longer. Soon, I could leave Sachi with Keita, he could comfort her, and I could leave my mistakes behind.

"Everyone else is dead," I bluntly replied at last, watching through my bangs as Keita's face turned to utter shock. Continuing on, voice growing shaky, I elaborated. "And it's my fault. My arrogance… is what killed them."

"What are you talking about?" my redheaded guild leader shouted at me, causing me to flinch back. "You're not making any sense!"

I looked him dead in the eyes, tears filling my own as I hoarsely uttered the three words that would destroy my life.

"I'm a «Beater»."

The look of shock on Keita's face only lasted for a mere second before turning to one of the utmost animosity. Before he could start shouting at me, I decided to tell him the whole story.

"We went to the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth," I elaborated, voice shaking. "And we ran into a trap room. I tried to warn them, but then…"

Images of the grim fates that everyone met flashed through my mind, making me look down with horror-filled eyes. "Ducker activated the trap. The only one I could save… was Sachi."

At the mention of my midnight-haired friend, we both looked to her, finding that she was still in tears, clinging to my coat for dear life. The sight of it brought wave after wave of guilt crashing through my system, compelling me to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, Sachi…" I whispered, causing her to look up to me with an expression that said that she couldn't take it anymore.

I heard the sound of footsteps coming towards us, making me look up to find Keita storming towards us with a blank expression. He grabbed Sachi's hand roughly, pulling her away from me and out of the inn. She made no attempts to resist him, serving to remind me once again that I was the one at fault.

I knew that, given the emotional state they were in, I shouldn't have left them alone. I should have followed them, should have stopped them from doing anything stupid. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to follow them, even though I knew that they might…

_Wait…_ I thought, eyes widening in fright as a very real and very possible scenario played out in my mind. _What if they decide to… commit suicide?_

At this thought, I ran out of the inn, desperately hoping I would make it in time to stop them from doing anything that would get them both killed. As soon as my feet hit the cobblestone streets of «Taft», I broke into a run, opening up my menu as I went so that I could activate my «Tracing» skill.

I set it to look for Sachi, then opened the map to check her location, finding her on the edge of town. She wasn't moving, it seemed, but I quickly realized that the area she was in was right by a bridge that overlooked the edge of «Aincrad».

_Damn it!_ I shouted in my mind, changing my course to a more direct route towards the bridge. I then closed out of my map, beginning to run as fast as I could. _I hope I get there in time…!_

Not a minute later, I found myself running up to the bridge, casting my gaze every which way as I looked everywhere for Sachi and Keita. After a few seconds, my eyes finally settled on a familiar midnight-blue-haired girl, sitting back against the bridge railing with her head buried in her knees as her whole body trembled.

I ran over to her weeping form, stopping just short of reaching her before calling out her name. When she didn't respond, I slowly walked closer, careful to keep my distance. Finally, when I was no more than a meter from her, she slowly arose, then rushed over to me, clinging onto my for dear life as she cried her eyes out.

"Sachi…" I whispered, about to ask where our guild leader was before she spoke up.

"He jumped…" she sniffled into my shirt, her voice sounding muffled. "He jumped off of the bridge…"

"What?"

My mind went entirely blank at her words. I couldn't think, couldn't process anything, couldn't even _feel_ anything. It took a full thirty seconds for my mind to come around, and I immediately found myself asking, "Why?"

"H-he said… that he wanted us to go to see our friends…"

As soon as her words registered in my mind, I felt an almost-uncontrollable anger welling up inside of me. _He wanted Sachi to commit suicide with him?!_

Before I could get truly angry at Keita, I remembered the girl currently using me as a pillar of support, who was once again sobbing into my chest. Even if everything happening was my fault, I knew that now, I was the only thing standing between Sachi and suicide.

_And I can't let that happen… because… I need her, too._

I finally worked up the nerve to bring my arms around my midnight-haired friend to comfort her, almost sighing in relief when she didn't push me away. Instead, she only tightened her hold on me, almost hard enough to enact the «Crime Prevention Code».

Once she calmed down a bit, her sobs lessening into sniffles, I began to speak in what I could only hope was a comforting tone. "Sachi… I know that this is all my fault, and I can't expect you to just forgive me, but… I promise you this…

"I'll get you back to the real world. I'll make sure you survive, no matter how hard it is. I'll clear the game for you, and I promise you that you'll return to the real world someday, where you can just pretend that this whole ordeal was nothing but a nightmare."

She finally looked up from my chest, surprising me with the weak smile on her face. I couldn't fathom how she would be able to smile at me after all that had happened to her, that I had _done_ to her, and yet she did. And then, she said but a few words, the words that truly gave me the strength to keep fighting.

"I know you will… and I'll be right there with you."

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><p><strong>So, how was that? The whole premise of this story revolves around this one sentence: Kirito is so blinded by his need for forgiveness that he doesn't<strong>

**even realize that he's already been forgiven. Simple enough, right? Wrong.**

**Anyway, I hope this story is realistic in terms of how the characters are portrayed and such. I'm usually pretty bad at keeping people in-character, so I can really only hope that I didn't screw it up too badly.**

**Well, I guess that's it. All that's left is the disclaimer, and then I can finally go to bed! (Just kidding! It's only eleven, and the night is **_**far **_**from over for me.)**

**I don't own the Sword Art Online light novel series, any of its adaptations (though I **_**do**_** own a copy of both Infinity Moment and the Taiwanese/English release of Hollow Fragment), or anything/one I use from them!**

**See you next chapter!**


	2. Straight into the Fire

(UN)Forgivable

Chapter Two: Straight into the Fire

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><p><strong>It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry for that. I just couldn't come up with any way to continue writing this. But then, about five days ago, I came up with the perfect idea for how to continue.<strong>

**I won't say anything more just yet. I'll let you read to find out.**

**See you all below!**

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><p><em>Once she calmed down a bit, her sobs lessening into sniffles, I began to speak in what I could only hope was a comforting tone. "Sachi… I know that this is all my fault, and I can't expect you to just forgive me, but… I promise you this…<em>

_"I'll get you back to the real world. I'll make sure you survive, no matter how hard it is. I'll clear the game for you, and I promise you that you'll return to the real world someday, where you can just pretend that this whole ordeal was nothing but a nightmare."_

_She finally looked up from my chest, surprising me with the weak smile on her face. I couldn't fathom how she would be able to smile at me after all that had happened to her, that I had __done__ to her, and yet she did. And then, she said but a few words, the words that truly gave me the strength to keep fighting._

_"I know you will… and I'll be right there with you."_

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><p>I've been having dark thoughts lately. Like… what if I were in her shoes? If I harbored an unhealthy fear of dying for so long, only to be put right back into the fray of battle just to be with a player who has an unhealthy rate of leveling? If I had to deal with someone whose arrogance had cost me dearly?<p>

If my friends from the real world were all dead, and my one other friend – the only survivor – was the sole person responsible?

If I were in that position, in her exact situation, I…

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><p>April 7th, 2024<p>

Floor 55

Granzam

The tension in the dimly-lit meeting room, located deep inside the «Knights of the Blood» headquarters, was staggering, to say the least. It almost made it hard to walk in, like I was treading through molasses. I had to constantly remind myself that this was merely out of my own nervousness, not a bug in the game. I still hadn't built up the courage to walk in and face everyone, and so there I was, waiting outside the door while contemplating the potential insanity of my actions. I had already poked my head inside, and though no one noticed me, I could feel the tension in the virtual air.

The worst part? I knew it was because of me.

Why was I so nervous, anyway? Normally, I would just walk right in with no regard for any of the glares I may have gotten because of my absence in most meetings for the clearers. After all, this was the first meeting I attended aside from boss strategy meets for more than twenty floors.

Normally, I didn't care about the animosity that I naturally garnered due to my «Beater» status. Normally, I could shrug off the insults and ignore those who spoke them. However, the moment I entered this particular meeting, I wouldn't just have to deal with dirty looks directed towards me. No, I would have to do much more. Why?

For the first time since I started training her, I let Sachi come with me to meet up with the clearers. In other words, I wouldn't just have to worry about myself in the meeting. I had to worry about my spear-wielding companion's feelings as well.

I took a deep breath, turning around to face my midnight-haired friend. She smiled reassuringly, nodding her head to show her readiness. Exhaling just as much, I took a look at her equipment. It looked up to snuff with that of most of the clearers, possibly even better.

A topless sky-blue shirt with dark blue trim that parted just above her abdomen, then continued downwards to form a sort of mini-cape that ended just above her knees. A deep blue, heart-shaped chest plate kept the shirt up, with a red jewel in the center. A mini-skirt with a color slightly lighter than her midnight-blue hair. White leggings with blue trim that came up past her knees. Navy blue fingerless gloves, along with blue and white metal bracelets around her wrists.

_The armor is a little more revealing than I would like, but it was made by one of the best tailors in the game, so the stats are too good to pass up on_, I thought as I scanned her attire. When I looked back to her face, I saw a greenish clover hairclip that matched her eyes adorning the right of her bangs.

_Why is she wearing that? It doesn't have any stat bonuses, so why would she wear it?_ I pondered, my gaze fixated on the clip for a moment. I decided to voice my concerns.

"Hey, why are you wearing that hairclip?" I queried quietly, trying to avoid alerting the lead group of our presence. They didn't actually know that I was bringing someone else with me; all they knew is that I would be showing up to a non-boss meeting for the first time since around floor thirty.

She gave me a slightly hurt expression before replying. "You got me this as a gift for me on New Year's, remember? Wearing it helps me keep calm."

It was all I could do to nod in understanding. I didn't know how to reply to that. So, instead of replying with words, I took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and pointing to the door.

The moment we walked in, all heads turned to us in a flash. Their shocked faces told me that they all thought the same thing.

They were wondering why a no-good «Beater» like me was entering with someone like Sachi.

I ignored the looks of animosity that people shot me, continuing to walk with purpose to the center of the crowd, preparing to greet the leaders of the clearing group and introduce them to my spear-wielding partner.

It was with great surprise that I saw the leader of the «Knights of the Blood» himself standing at the center of the crowd of players. I looked to his right, finding his second in command, Asuna, looking from me to Sachi, who had followed me in, with a shocked expression.

Almost as if we were speaking as one, both their leader and I said exactly the same thing at exactly the same time.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Both of our eyes widened for the faintest of moments before we regained our composure. I remained silent and nodded my head, giving him the go-ahead to start speaking first.

"I heard you were going to come to the meeting today," the silver-haired man informed me, giving the spear-wielder behind me a glance. "So I came to personally greet you as a sign of gratitude."

"That's one of the worst lies I've ever heard, commander Heathcliff," I assessed dryly, giving him a hard look. "You came today on the chance that you'd get to meet the player I've been training for the past twenty floors."

"You're very perceptive," the red-clad commander of the «Knights of the Blood» confirmed my suspicions. "I assume the player standing behind you is the one you've been training all this time?"

"Yeah, she is. And she's probably as strong as me."

I said it without the slightest hesitation, making some of the players in the room widen their eyes. Despite my avoidance of most strategy meetings, the players on the front lines still recognized me as one of the best in the game.

On a side note, there are only four players that were considered to be the strongest. There was no widely-known fifth player, due to the overwhelming difference between the top four and the next one up.

The commander, known as Heathcliff, placed at the top, bar none. His strength in both offensive and defensive combat was overwhelming, and an incident in the fiftieth floor boss battle earned him the title, «Living Legend».

The next up was his subordinate, the second-in-command in the entire «Knights of the Blood» guild, known as Asuna. Her strikes couldn't even be followed by the naked eye, earning her the title of «Lightning Flash».

I held the title of number three, though some argue that I should be tied with Asuna for second. I was known for having offensive power somewhat comparable to that of Heathcliff, and the ability to essentially survive seemingly any situation due to my almost-maxed «Battle Healing» skill. Some people have said that nothing short of a floor boss could kill me. I tended to disagree, however, based solely on the few times I had seen Asuna fight. My love for black clothing earned me the title of «Black Swordsman» for a while, but the title changed once I stopped showing up to the majority of the front line players' meetings.

The fourth, appropriately enough, is the very person I trained on the first day. This man, Klein, was the leader of a powerful clearing guild. Though he didn't have a title, he was still revered as one of the best.

I looked back to Sachi, giving her a gentle smile that I never gave anyone else. When I turned back to Heathcliff, my attention was almost immediately drawn to the chestnut-haired girl next to him, who had evidently grown quite angry at me. I could tell she was trying her hardest to hold her tongue in front of the raid group.

I gave her a look that said, 'insult her and you die', then turned my attention back to the red-clad commander of the KoB. "Her name is Sachi, and she's a spear-wielder. I won't tell everyone why I've been training her, but I still want her to become part of the lead group."

"And why should we let her in?" Asuna queried in an irritated tone. "How can we be sure that she's as strong as you say?"

"Do we have a volunteer already?" I queried smugly, giving the chestnut-haired girl a devious smirk. Her eyes widened slightly; she had never seen such a look from me before. "If you want proof of her strength, then there's one easy way to show you."

I looked around the room, finding that everyone there looked shell-shocked at what I had implied. My smirk disappeared, replaced by a look of grave seriousness. "I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean."

I looked to Sachi, finding a confident look on her face, accompanied by an aura of readiness. I smiled softly at her, and when she nodded, I knew she felt prepared.

_Completely different from how she used to be. But still, this will be fun to watch._

"That's right," I confirmed everyone's suspicions, pointing at my spear-wielding friend, and then to Asuna. "I think the only way to prove Sachi's worth and wipe Asuna's overconfidence out is for them to have a duel. And I guarantee you…"

I waited until I could see or feel everyone's eyes on me. My smirk returned tenfold as I said what I knew would happen.

"I guarantee you all that she'll win."

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><p><strong>Cliffhanger, anyone? I know it's a total d!(k move to do that when I have long time frames in between updates, but I couldn't help it.<strong>

**Also, here's something that those of you who liked my other story, **_**Mirage Blade**_**. I'm actually going to make a rewrite that starts much earlier than the original. As such, since it will start before and eventually overwrite the original, I've decided to name it, **_**Mirage Blade: Origins**_**.**

**I've decided not to write disclaimers anymore. Before, they were a decent way to up the word count, but I've decided that it isn't necessary at all, and it's quite annoying to read, even for me. So… yeah.**

**Ciao!**


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